In 1993, I developed a bunch of anxiety disorders.
I got help fast, worked very hard at CBT, and eventually got over all of them – except flying, since I couldn’t do that every day or in small, controllable increments.
I continued to fly commercially for years (even overseas twice) – terrified – sometimes ending up front with the flight staff calming me down and often freaking out to the people around me. Not exactly the person I wanted to be.
In 2001, after 3 back-and-forth coast-to-coast trips, I was mentally and physically exhausted. I decided to take a break from flying.
Little did I know that break would pretty much stop my commercial flying almost forever.
I wanted some semblance of control, so I flew privately about once a year – my family and I on a flying garbage can seating 7. You may ask how I could do that and not a commercial flight. It still sucked and usually terrified me, but in the back of my mind I knew I could call the shots and have the plane taken down (did that once in 20 years).
Flying privately is expensive to the point of ridiculous. I found ways to justify, but always wanted to get away from it. I worked with great specialists, tried various programs, techniques, meds, etc.
In 2011, I flew BOS -> WAS with a doctor. However, that was after I bailed from my seat before the doors shut and we took the next flight after my adrenaline was gone.
In 2018, I decided I needed to do this. Without tell anyone, including my wife, I flew BOS -> BUF and back. Success. I then flew BOS -> WAS and back. Success. I then went to fly BOS -> PHI, but they changed my seat from the first row, making me feel claustrophobic and I bailed. The successes faded with time as I no longer tried.
I don’t know if any here have noticed, but gas prices are ridiculous! Private flying prices are right up there with them. And I had a wedding in KC last weekend I had to get to. I assumed I’d do what I’ve done to see family in FL and IN – take either a 24+ hour train ride or drive for 18+ hours.
But I found DARE and listened to the app over and over. I studied everything I could. I wrote 11 pages of notes that simplified everything and could allow me to read what really resonated with me simply and easily. I took this seriously. Even though “nothing ever works for me” (true), I just had to try again. I chose to go to KC via DET so I could bail AFTER one flight and just drive a shorter distance if this didn’t go well (I also scheduled the flight a day early so I’d still have time to drive the whole thing). Just booking the flight was incredible for me. I shut everything else out for the days before the flight. Unfortunately, I had 2 crappy days just before and wondered if I could do it. I had to keep reviewing DARE and “living it” again and again and again. A storm starting hitting my house the night before. The prognosis wasn’t looking good.
I woke up the next morning at 5:50AM and felt oddly at ease. No idea why. But I felt ready. The storm was gone, but the clouds were dark. I went to the airport. I got in the same seat that I bolted from 4 years ago on the PHI flight attempt. I shut the window (which I prefer open) for the person next to me. There was so much that should’ve thrown me off. But, I was prepared with so much I’ve learned over 2 decades… and DARE.
I was excited to fly.
I accepted and allowed the anxious thoughts.
I accepted and allowed the anxious feelings.
The flight went very well. Tested me, yes, though not as much as “I hoped.” (per DARE)
Well, if that didn’t test me enough, the next one did. DET -> KC, we flew over a nasty storm which I didn’t know about (decided not to look at weather for a few days before). As we taxied, the pilot told us it would be a turbulent flight. OK… here it is. “Bring it on.” Did I really believe that? Fake it until you make it.
The flight was turbulent pretty much the whole 2 hours, but I made it without freaking out. Uncomfortable? Yes. Freaking? No.
I knew I did well when I then changed my return ticket to get on a 68-seat Embraer direct back to Boston. Unfortunately – or fortunately – THAT pilot also said it was going to be a nasty, turbulent one. And damn was he right!
And I got through it. And I don’t think I would have without DARE. And I’m not traumatized by the high level of anxiety I experienced during the worst of the turbulence. Because this time I didn’t sit there with terror and no knowledge or what to do. This time I was armed. And when doubt crept in, I had to dig deeper.
I was going to be the hunter, not the hunted.
I made it. Frankly, the “comfort” of the flight sucked. But I just took my longest commercial flight in 21 years!!! And I’ve just taken 3 flights in 4 days, where the last 3 flights were 7 years apart. And, most importantly, I’m now planning for more. I’ve lost way, way, way too much time. I have a wife and a handful of kids who’ve had to travel without me. It sucks… for all of us. And I’ve finally now taken a big step in starting to end that.
I’ll be very anxious before my next flight – that’s just the way it works. But now I know this “thing”, this “tool” – DARE – helps (along with a lot of other tools in the toolbelt I’ve created over 21 years)! And I got through a flight that would likely have petrified me in the past. So I’ll have to just trust the process. Doing so just gave me my first taste of freedom!
I share this as a thank you to DARE, as a testimonial to all those who – like me – think nothing will work for them, and honestly, as a way of sharing my joy with a group that will understand better than almost any other.
Peace, love, and freedom to all of you!!!
❤️ Paul A.