This weekend was tough but I pushed through and feel like I won a part of my life back.
I was diagnosed with an “anxiety disorder” quite young and accepted this was my burden to bear for life. I managed ok until this spring when the high level of stress of my career coupled with a virus was just too much and sent me into daily panic attacks. My life came crashing down as I couldn’t work, leave my house, or do anything I enjoyed.
A few weeks into the panic attacks, I found DARE. This was the first time in my life I was told my anxiety wasn’t the enemy. I always thought my body just hated me but in reality it was just protecting me. I read and re-read the book, listened to the app daily, and slowly the attacks subsided into waves of anxiety.
After two months, I was cautiously living my life again. So when I was asking to work at an out of state, two day horse competition, I decided to push myself. I was fine until I was sitting at my post on day 1 and suddenly I felt the familiar hot wave of anxiety and the what ifs started rolling in.
I was far from home, I was all alone, I had to stay in a hotel all alone, I couldn’t just leave because they were depending on me, I had to be attentive and focused all day, I couldn’t get up and walk around because I had to score each rider. It was my first big setback and I felt miserable but I didn’t give up.
I told my anxiety to sit right there and I’d deal with it when I had time. The night at the hotel wasn’t great as the body sensations took over and the health anxiety crept in. I called my husband who told me I could drive home that night if I needed to but I refused.
I stuck it out and by Day 2 my anxiety quieted down and I enjoyed my day. I even drove home in the pouring rain without panicking. By the time I got home I’d felt like I’d been in a battle but I’d won regardless of how exhausted I was. I wasn’t comfortable, at times I thought I was dying, but like DARE teaches us, the only way out is through.
Photo of the beautiful sunrise in the middle of West Virginia.
❤️ Valerie M.