I started to put myself in even scarier situations

My name is Brian I am a student and I live in California. Throughout my whole

Throughout my whole life I have always been a little more anxious than most people. I would experience some “What if” thoughts and would catch myself panicking when it wasn’t necessarily a scary situation. I never let it stop me and I paid no attention to it. I was just a normal young man who loved to travel and would never let anything stop me. I traveled to different states, flew on airplanes and much more without even the slightest thought about anxiety.

I was just a normal young man who loved to travel and would never let anything stop me. I traveled to different states, flew on airplanes and much more without even the slightest thought about anxiety.

I traveled to different states, flew on airplanes and much more without even the slightest thought about anxiety.

Throughout my whole life I have always been a little more anxious than most people. I would experience some “What if” thoughts and would catch myself panicking when it wasn’t necessarily a scary situation. I never let it stop me and I paid no attention to it.

I was just a normal young man who loved to travel and would never let anything stop me. I traveled to different states, flew on airplanes and much more without even the slightest thought about anxiety.

After taking some brain and focus supplements last March, I started to focus on things that weren’t necessarily things people would focus on. I would focus on things while driving which would give me the illusion that I was driving on a treadmill. I got a faint feeling of anxious sensations.

I eventually stopped taking the supplement and didn’t pay any attention to the sensations.

Within a couple of days I felt completely normal and never paid the sensations any attention. After about half a year in September of 2016 I had some really big life changes… I changed to online school from a university I spent almost 12 hours a day at, I left my job which I loved, and I spent mostly all days in my home doing my online class.

I started to feel the anxiety and sensations creep in my daily routine especially while driving. On September 15th  2016, after a long day of studying and test taking I went to visit my friend, I was there pretty late and I confused the anxious sensations for sleepiness so I went to the store and got 2 energy drinks and drank them back to back.

I started to drive home when I felt detached from myself, the ride home felt like I was in a dream and I felt like at any minute I was going to pass out. I managed to pull into a gas station and I had a full blown panic attack.

My friend had to come and take me home. At home I felt like I was dying I had to call 911 and the paramedics told me my heart was healthy and that I should go to the doctor just to check.

What followed were a couple of weeks of agoraphobia and panic attacks.

I accepted the fact that my life was over.

A couple of weeks later I found DARE.

At first I noticed no difference because I was only kind of accepting, I was not really truly accepting it.

After a couple months of slowly exposing myself to anxious situations I got a new job, I started driving a couple of miles to get to work, I went out with my friend but anxiety was still on my mind 24/7.   I had constant depersonalization and I started to get frustrated because I wasn’t feeling better.

That’s when I realized that my recovery wasn’t going to truly start until I did what was suggested in the book. I stopped paying attention to my sensations and running diagnostics on my body. I studied the DARE response and when I realized that I wasn’t really and truly accepting and allowing the sensations I started to implement the tools to ride the wave of anxiety.

I purposely put myself in anxious situations and called its bluff. I started to say “Who cares if I get a panic attack I’ve gotten them before and I lived”. I started to put myself in even scarier situations and yes I did get panic attacks but I was able to lessen them immediately.

My general anxiety and anxious thoughts would go from always thinking about anxiety to thinking a little less about them each day.

Some of the sensations I experienced lessened, some stayed the same as until my body forgot about them. I still have anxious thoughts throughout the day and have some anxious sensations present but I don’t let it stop me.

I am exposing myself to the most anxious situations every day and I call its bluff. If I went to Walmart for milk, I walk around the whole store and when I feel myself start to panic I rush towards it and call it out in my mind and said  “Is that all you got?” The biggest and best steps that helped me were honestly all of them because they all played a role in my recovery.

I suggest you really learn to accept, almost throw yourself at anxiety and let it manifest at its worst. Once I learned what its worst was I learned to be comfortable in that anxious discomfort. Now I am not recovered but I will say that I went from agoraphobic to going out of town like I used to before all on my own.

I still think about anxiety and have some sensations present but I am definitely on my way to recovery.

My advice to you all is keep pushing because I went from accepting the fact that I was going to die from this or suffer all my life to having moments when I feel completely normal, going out on my own and not letting anxiety stop me. Here is a recent picture of my last push out moment, I drove alone far out in the mountains!  So keep DAREing my friends because it’s worth it!

Brian G